I really don't consider myself a jealous person. I've never been one of those girls who wished she had what someone else had. I guess my mom taught me well when she said, "If you're going to compare yourself with someone who has it better, you better compare yourself with someone who has it worse".
I've had a lot of conversations with people about how the whole blogging/pinterest craze has left them feeling really envious, to the point where they've had to extract themselves completely from the whole blogosphere for fear of losing their identity. I just don't get it. Don't get me wrong, I like having things nice, pretty and clean. I just don't go crazy when I see that someone else has it nicer, prettier or cleaner. If someone has a big new house or went on a cool vacation I feel happy for them, honestly. If anything it's inspiring. The "things" that other people have or do don't really impact my self worth or ability to find happiness. There are plenty of things I need to improve on but I've never viewed jealousy as one of them.
I checked out a blog tonight that left me feeling well...JEALOUS! It was the story of a really confident, strong, organized and energetic mother. She had 5 children and really seemed to have it together. She wasn't being arrogant or condescending but she really did have motherhood down to an art. She was humble and admitted that she wasn't perfect but she was voted "Mother of the Year". As I scrolled through the pages of her blog I read about family songs, motto's, themes, game nights, FHE's, family dinners, creative weekend plans and volunteer vacations overseas. She even made mention to writing a book about her "methods" in mothering.
Over here, we're just trying to make it to nap-time. Trust me there will be no books written about my methods of mothering. There are no charts, graphs, punch cards or reward systems in my house. It's not that I disagree with the concept, it's just that somewhere along the line I've lowered the bar. If anything I am consistently inconsistent. Some nights I'll cook a big meal and when nobody wants to even sit at the table I'll excuse them all and eat alone. Other nights I make them sit in hysterics as I force them to eat at least one bite of their dinner.
I love being a mom, I'm not at all wishing this part of my life away. This is exactly what I want to be doing right now. I think the jealousy comes more out of guilt. I don't care if I don't have what others have, but I certainly want my children to be solid. I realize that kids come how they come, but parents play a role in that. Hours of Dora and Super Why just isn't going to cut it. The lazy part of me thinks I'll just institute "the higher law" of parenting when the kids get older. I mean, for the 6.5 years that I've been married I have either been pregnant or breastfeeding for
I'm not writing this for an ego boost. I know my kids have it pretty good. We've been a little short staffed lately and so I've been left to a lot of introspective thought (guilt for yelling at them to put their pajamas on for the 10th time!) Bottom line, I think I was a better mom before I had kids.
5 comments:
I really loved this post. You should write more on here.
I think that if you had time to blog everything that you do, that woman with the "perfect" life would be jealous of you. You put yourself through school and are a nurse practicioner (that is what you do right?). I think you are a great example to your girls of a strong woman. That woman with the "perfect" life probably doesn't have to work outside of the home and her husband is not starting a business and gone all the time. You are a rockstar!
You are doing the hardest job in the world! It's 24/7, non-stop and you are doing it (plus working outside the home)! When everyone was little I didn't have blogs of other people to look at I just would cry at the overwhelmingness of my life sometimes not knowing if I could do it. Life comes one day at a time, thank goodness! You are the Mom that those 4 spirits needed and you are the one that needed those 4 spirits to make you who you are becoming. You are amazing Alie!
I agree with Brielle. You should write more. This is exactly how I feel, from the jealousy (or lack of) right down to Dora the Explorer. While trying to decide if there are more babies in our future, I can't help feeling like I've spent my entire parenting years, so far, being pregnant and cranky or sleep-deprived and cranky or too busy and cranky. Mostly just cranky. I don't know about everyone else, but I kind of think I could do with an anti-anxiety/anti-depressant/more-energy pill! Can you prescribe me something, Psych Mom? :)
Great post and I feel the same way about most everything you wrote. I don't get the whole Pinterest jealousy thing either but I do worry, not that I'm not like other mom's but that I'm not as good as I know I can be. I'm also consistently inconsistent--I totally relate on that one. Anyway, I had lunch this weekend with Ally Nowels (Devenish) and Quinn and Gusti this week and have been thinking about all my roomies and hadn't checked here in awhile. I'm most likely coming to Portland the weekend of Sept 9th for a wedding and would love to see you. Are you on Facebook yet?
-Reni
Post a Comment